003 Seani Love – Sex Worker
What a treat to record this episode of my podcast in my bed! The opportunity was just ripe for the picking when I caught up with Seani Love for a chat about sex and his kinky adventures. Seani is a very approachable, Australian-born, UK-based, straight, male sex worker who was voted UK Sex Worker of the Year in 2015, and no sexual topic was too taboo. We chat about some of the lesser-known aspects of straight sex work – like how often his cock is involved – and Seani also shares some thoughts on the politics of sex work. And Seani even gave me a fabulous massage while we were relaxing before recording <3
NOTE: This episode contains adult content.
[Car engine starts and revs…]
Safari: Hi. I’m Safari Lee and this is Sidestreeters – a podcast about people, places and adventures that are a little bit different from the mainstream.
It’s great you could join me for Sidestreeters, where I’m chatting with Mister Seani Love who is a professional, Australian-born, London-based, straight, male sex worker. He has an amazing repertoire including intimacy and tantric sex and I must say he gives a mighty mean massage as well.
So Seani was recently In Australia where he was conducting some Sacred Kink workshops and we decided to record this podcast in my bed. We had lots of fun chatting about the types of things a male sex worker, who caters primarily to women, gets up to.
[Theme music fades]
Safari: Hi Seani.
Seani: Hey Safari.
Seani: It’s lovely to be here.
Safari: Oh that massage felt so beautiful.
Seani: Oh, I’m looking forward to your questions and getting to know you better, thank you.
Safari (voice over): I’m interested to know how Seani first became a sex worker.
Seani: So I used to go to a lot of workshops. I wanted to learn about tantra and ritual and bondage and BDSM because I was just interested for myself. I want to learn all about it. I had no idea I’d be doing this for job. And my favourite author was a trans-man called Raven Kaldera. And I organised his workshop in London. People from Prague came to that workshop and they couldn’t afford to get him to go to Prague so they said “Seani, can you come to Prague and teacher own version of this?” So I said “Yeah, I’d love to.”
So umm, in the year 2010 I went to Prague. I ran my own workshop, and someone at that workshop asked for a private session. So I said “Oh yeah, I’d love to”, and I gave them a private session. I earned my first cash doing private sessions and I realised there is something in this. And so I built a website and since then I’ve been running workshops and private sessions. I had my old job at the same time as doing sex work for three years. And four years ago I was able to quit my other job completely and now I’m full time in the sex industry.
Safari (voice over): So I ask Seani what people want from their first visit to a male sex worker.
Seani: Yeah, clients who come to me for the first time are often very nervous. Because they’re… you know… going to see a male sex worker and they don’t know if they gonna feel safe or emotionally held… Umm, they don’t know if they’re gonna get their money‘s worth so we take time and drink time tea before we start anything. Often they’ve got kinks and fetishes they’ve never told anyone before. And then, you know, after a cup of tea and some talking and making them feel safe they share with me, umm… they want to be tied up, or they want to be spanked, or they want to be held down and imagine they’re struggling against a strong male. Some clients want to experience age play such as umm… being held and met by their “Daddy”. And I can play a strong Daddy figure in a lot of my kinks… a lot of my sessions. They can deeply surrender and find deep nurturing inside themselves by coming to the spaces. Yeah. It overlaps some psychology terms like Transactional Analysis, which you can google, and that’s about making peace with the little child, or the wounded child inside them. As a father, as a Daddy archetype I can hold those women and they can go to those places. It can be very beautiful to surrender… Umm… And some clients want an ongoing relationship, like a kinky boyfriend. So especially ahh… the more powerful women who want to be held and give up all their concerns in the world. So those are the sorts of clients that come regularly and see me.
Safari: Do you see couples?
Seani: I’ve seen couples a few times in the past seven years but it’s not that frequent.
Seani: They usually come because they want to learn how to communicate a bit better. Or one of them has a kink they want to explore and they don’t know how to bring it into the relationship. So they want to do it safely. One of them wants to be spanked by the other, or tied by the other.
Seani: Or surrender to the other. So I teach them how to do that. Which I love doing. I love empowering couples. It’s amazing. And I’ll tell you something Safari a lot of couples, even those who’ve been together for long time, don’t have really basic communication techniques. Like one couple – a man and a woman… He’d had several lovers before he met this woman… before he got married and he always touched their clitorises in the same way. And he was very proud of giving them amazing orgasms. But with this woman, she didn’t like to be touched that way. But for some reason he didn’t ask “How do you like to be touched?” and she didn’t say “Please touch me this way”. So when they came into the room with me I just said “How do you like to be touched on your clit and your pussy?” And she showed me all these different ways. Side to side, round and round, different things. But because he hadn’t asked “How do you like to be touched?” and she hadn’t told him they’d had bad sex all these years. And I just showed them these basic tools of communication. And here’s a little tip if you want to improve your sex life just learn to ask. You know your partner is not a mind reader. They might be intuitive but they’re not a mind reader and you have the right to ask for what you want to receive.
Safari (voice over): I ask Seani about sex worker politics because I know it’s very important to him.
Seani: So I’m in quite a privileged position as sex workers go. Umm, I’m out to my family. They all love and support me, and often sex workers often don’t have that. There’s lots of whore-phobia in the world – often gender-based -so a lot of female colleagues when they’re outed as sex workers there’s a lot of shame and questions like “Are you safe?” “Are you gonna be okay?” And female sex workers often get attacked, it’s sad to note. But when people find out I’m a male sex worker working with women they often think “Well that sounds like a bit of a laugh” or “That’s the best job in the world” or “You’re a lucky man. How do I get into that?”. So the disparity between the genders is really noticeable. And anyone thinking “Seani’s lucky for being a male sex worker but a woman in the industry is less lucky” they need to look at their internalised misogyny because it’s something to look at right there. Thank you.
Safari: So do you have a good time yourself sexually and emotionally when you’re engaging with clients?
Seani: Yeah, I really love my work.
Safari: Do you?
Seani: For the sexual and emotional reasons. There’s a lot of really deep emotional intimacy like being in love, and cuddling and snuggling which I really love. I really get off on that. And sexually, I have really good sex as part of my job. But it’s surprising how many clients like to give blow jobs and want to “worship the cock”.
Seani: So when they know they’re safe and respected and doing it for their own pleasure. And that happens quite a lot.
Safari: That’s fantastic.
Seani: Yeah, a lot of clients really want to see me in pleasure. So that’s really beautiful. As long as they know they’re respected.
Safari: How much does gender play in sex?
Seani: So instead of defaulting to the gender binary like most people do… umm… gender becomes an optional extra. And I love it. I love being strong and masculine and male and working with people who want to explore their feminine and the woman. But sometimes that’s not relevant at all. Sometimes it’s really about the sensations and touched and the way someone is tied or held or spanked. Sometimes gender is not relevant at all.
Seani: Recently when learning about my work, a male friend asked me how big my cock was. But he was interested to know that in my whole seven years only one client has asked me that before. What seems to be much more important to the clients is their emotional well-being, their emotional safety, if they’ll be able to drop and surrender with me, and thus open up. And if I’ve got the skills and techniques in order to hold them and take them on a journey. Those are much more important than my body measurements. Hmm.
Safari: So Seani do people ever come to you and don’t want sexual services?
Seani: Umm, yes… sometimes. People want to just be held, or to talk about their kinks and fantasies. They’ve never told anyone about them so that can be really freeing to tell someone for the first time. So I get that from time to time. Some people want to snuggle and be held. So that’s quite common. Actually, I get my cock out about one in every four sessions. Yeah. And the rest is about giving emotional love or kink or support or rope or spanking. My cock comes out only about one in four sessions.
Seani: Hmm. So one thing that surprised me about the work is how empowered a lot of my clients feel after spending money on their own pleasure. Because generally in society… umm… we don’t expect women to be seekers of pleasure. When they put money down to seek pleasure and come and see me that’s really empowering for them to take a hold of that. That’s a really beautiful part of my work.
Safari (voice over): I ask Seani how clients initially found out about him.
Seani: So, I’ve got a comprehensive website – seanilove.com. And all the offerings I have are up there so people can find me. Some people find me through Google but the most common clients find me through Facebook because I run a lot of workshops. Ah… people see that my workshop is promoted and advertised in all the different kink groups and tantra groups. They follow through the links and check my website and then they find me that way. So Facebook’s probably my biggest way of finding clients at the moment.
Safari: Hmm. So I want to know about the “Sex Worker of the Year, UK, 2015” award.
Seani: The Sexual Freedom Awards has been running for 23 years in England. And there’s all these different categories like “Pioneer of the Year”, “Ally of the Year” for people who don’t work in the industry. Umm… “Activist of the Year”, “Striptease Artist of the Year”, umm, “Dancer of the Year”, “Performer of the Year” and one of the categories is “Sex Worker of the Year”, Safari. And that’s the one that I won in 2015. And how it works is someone gets… all the sex workers who get nominated get contacted and then the judges choose the finalists based on that sex worker’s output and their testimonials and the work they’ve done. And so I was chosen as a finalist and I won, along with someone called Mistress Titania also won that year, “Sex Worker of the Year”, so it was a very special thing. Very honouring.
The trophy is a cock with wings and these have been hand made by the same family in Bali for the last 23 years.
Safari (voice over): I wondered if Seani Love had any final sexy tips for us.
Seani: Umm, I guess one more tip would be, well I said a lot about communication already – practising communication – which can be challenging… it’s great… but another thing, maybe as a tip is taking it in turns with your lover or your partner. Often when people come together to have sex they’re sort of coming together at the same time trying to please each other at the same time and orgasm at same time. But how about you take turns. One person gives to the other for half an hour and then swap for half an hour. And that sort of can be a really great, fun thing to do.
Safari: That sounds nice.
Safari: Your turn Seani! (Laughs)
Safari: Well, I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode of Sidestreeters as much as I’ve enjoyed bringing it to you. Be sure to stop by the Sidestreeters website – Sidestreeters.com – to discover more people, places and adventures that are a little bit different from the mainstream.
[Car revs engine. Tyres squeal. Car drives away]